Basic rules of thumb:
Are you looking to impress someone?
No Approaching /Initiating Contact [offline and online]
• Approaching / pursuing men/women you’re attracted to – at parties, school, work, on the street, social events, classes, etc…ANYWHERE.
• Facebook flirting (friending/msging/wall-posting/”like”ing)
• Cruising online dating sites
No Attention on “Success with men/women”
• Pickup/Seduction/Women’s/Men’s Dating Stuff, Ebooks, DVDs, Audio, MP3s, Newsletters
• Contemplating on what you could have/should have said to this guy/gal/ that guy/gal
No Impressing/Pulling for attraction/attention
• Flirting – with ex-boyfriends, coworkers, and waiters/waitresses…anyone.
• Wearing clothes you think will impress men/women
• Trying to get him/her to laugh
• Compulsively looking for eye contact from attractive men/women as you walk down the street
• Positioning yourself near the sexy guy/gal in at the coffee shop hoping to get noticed (or in any social situation)
• Messaging to Impress (txt/email/fb): Agonizing over the right thing to say, having a need to feel clever, build intrigue, etc…
• Manicuring your online profile to be attractive to men/women
• Telling stories hoping he or she will be impressed
• Saying things that will make him/her think you’re: deep, emotionally sensitive, clever, cool, spiritual, rich, confident, experienced,
• Strutting walk
• Trying to look sexy
• Attempting “Alpha” body language
• Saying the same pre-programmed responses
• Using pre-scripted “lines to try”
• Acting aloof/self-reliant/cool & detached
• Putting on a fake smile
• Fake interest/enthusiasm
• Asking questions you don’t really care about
No Seeking Approval/response
• Buying drinks, gifts, to make him/her like you
• Offering compliments about his/her physical beauty
• Texting immediately/repeatedly
• Doing things in order to get approval from ANYONE [not just men/women]
Question: Is there anyone else you seek approval from, besides men/women? Boss? Friends? Parents?
Enter them here, and keep a watchful-eye on this tendency for the next 4 weeks:
• If a man/woman wants to connect with you, fine—he/she does ALL the work to initiate everything. You can make it clear to them that
you’re not going to be initiating… that it’s on them. But no energy expended on your side to make it happen.
• A good warning sign is if you find yourself anticipating their response to something you say or do, you’re probably looking to get
validation or a particular outcome from the situation… off limits for these 4 weeks!